


[S] GAME OVER

by noodlerdoodler



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - High School, Asshole Gamzee, Bathing/Washing, Drug Abuse, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Masturbation, Nepeta takes care of Terezi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Slurs, There are so many tags, Underage Smoking, v brief mentions of other R characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:57:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5025685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee Makara is a manipluative asshole. </p><p>Terezi Pyrope is an unsuspecting new kid. </p><p>Nepeta Leijon works to piece things back together.<br/>(With help from Sollux and Aradia)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this about a year ago when I was feeling low. I deleted it from this site. But... I never felt comfortable leaving this unfinished. I wanted to see Terezi get her happy ending. I've reworked it now.
> 
> It's based lightly off that one timeline where blackrom gamrezi turns abusive.
> 
> I wouldn't read if you're triggered easily tbh
> 
> I still can't believe I wrote this

Oh Gog, (a phrase that she'd picked up from Karkat and his band of imbeciles, of course- because it couldn't be denied that he was the leader of the group), Terezi groaned both internally and externally as she woke up. She could've burst into tears right there and sobbed into her pillow for the rest of the day. But her eyes were dry and aching from when she'd cried herself to sleep last night, in a slightly drunken stupor- if four in the morning could count as night.

Her pillow had pretty much dried but was still a little damp, she discovered. Her face was a little damp too, as she touched it by mistake. She sighed and forced herself to sit up in her bed. Her phone beeped with multiples alerts. She ignored it and fumbled sleepily for her glasses- they weren't in their usual spot on her bedside table. Terezi frowned. Slowly, she swung her legs out of bed and tried to stand up. Instead, she fell on her knees with a thump. Her hands searched the floor for her glasses and her mind searched for answers as to what had happened last night.

She eventually found her glasses and slid them on, before making her way to her kitchen. Terezi was blinder than a bat and found her way around by sniffing and licking things- "things" referring to objects and people, of course. Sometimes, she used her cane. But she knew her own apartment well enough to be able to find her way around without it. She found her way to the kitchen, which smelt strongly of white paint and coffee, as usual. She fumbled with the coffee machine until she found the right button and got it going. Then, she leant against the counter and thought for a moment about last night.

* * *

 

_They'd all met at Gamzee Makara's, since he was the only one that owned a car. It was a crappy, beat-up, rusty car but it got them around. Also, Gamzee was a terrible driver, mainly because he was permanently high/drunk. There were five of them crammed into the car, the usual group._

_Gamzee- obviously- who provided transport, drugs and alcohol._

_Sollux, the computer God, that could hack anything and everything. Terezi was pretty sure he was responsible for anonymously hacking and sending people's nudes to everyone. But he was a pretty good guy._

_There was Eridan, who was a whiny little bitch that annoyed the crap out of everyone. He was only with the group because he was hopelessly clingy and couldn't- no, wouldn't take a goddamn hint._

_There was herself, Terezi, who'd started hanging around with them six months ago and they'd accepted her easily. More easily than everyone else she knew- they didn't even care that she couldn't see and often teased her a little. She didn't mind._

_And then, there was Karkat Vantas. He was their leader and constantly grouchy and yelling at people. He liked to hang out on street corners, throwing rocks at people's cars. He was an arrogant asshole. Terezi liked to tease him about how serious he was about everything._

_She'd been the last one to be picked up and somehow, Gamzee had managed to convince her to leave her cane at home. He'd breathed on her neck, the room thick with sexual tension._

_"You don't need it, sister. I won't let you get lost." She could smell the thick smoke of cigarettes on his breath. He'd held her close for a few moments._

_"Okay, I'll leave the cane." Terezi agreed, dropping the cane on the ground. She kicked it across the room and Gamzee laughed quietly, pulling away from her. And the tension vanished. He looped an arm around her and lead her down the stairs, out of her apartment._

_They'd all gone to the party as a large group and gotten as high as hell off something that Gamzee had brought with him. They'd been sitting in a corner of the party, just chilling, when he'd brought it out. The party was beginning to die down, people getting tired out and people kissing all over the place. But the party was just beginning for Terezi. She remembered that she'd already drunk quite a bit by then and was surprised to have her drink taken out of her hand. She was about to protest, when Gamzee put something else in her hand._

_"Smoke this, Rezi." she'd felt his breath on her neck and smelt the strong smell of liquor on his body. She could almost feel his body warmth against her, as he lit what she presumed to be a cigarette- Gamzee always seemed to have cigarettes on him. It was only after she smoked it, that she realised it was worse than a cigarette. The realisation came to mind, when she heard the faint sound of giggling._

_Sollux was snickering nasally. There was a shaky laugh from Makara, as he exhaled and the smoke was wafted in Terezi's direction. She breathed in, deeply, enjoying the way the smoke tasted in her mouth._

_"Motherfucking miracles." Gamzee laughed, in his usual drunken way. Terezi grabbed hold of the juggalo's shirt, clenching the material in her sweaty fist, wishing she could see what was going on._

_"Gam... Zee... I wanna... I wanna see..." she slurred, giggling and taking another deep breath of the cigarette that she was beginning to doubt was a cigarette. Now, she definitely felt Gamzee's body heat as he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto his lap. She let out a yelp, followed by a shriek of laughter. The others let out a round of laughter. She could easily pick out who's laugh was who's. Gamzee's laid back, relaxed laugh; Karkat's rough, crackling laugh; Eridan's high pitched giggle; Sollux's rusty, metallic laugh._

_"You knoww, Terezi..." She could hear the smirk in Eridan's voice, "You're, like, really... Really pretty. For a guy. I think." He giggled his annoying laugh._

_"She's a motherfucking girl, Eridan." Gamzee said, raking a hand through her hair and not gently, "A blind girl. But still a motherfucking girl." Normally, by this point, Terezi would tell them that that was enough now and they'd stop. But, instead, she just pouted and curled into Gamzee, tugging on his shirt. Her hands danced up his chest and to his chin. She could almost see his smile._

_"Gamzee." she threw the cigarette down and crunched it into the carpet using the heel of her sneaker. She cackled, running her hands over the bottom of his face. She swung her legs onto the couch and rested on top of him. Surprisingly, he made no protest and even began to caress her own face with his soft hand. He smelt wonderful this close. She wondered if he was just teasing her, like he had all those other times._

_"Terezi, sis. You're looking pretty fucking good right now." Gamzee hissed, suddenly, in her ear. Her hands reached his messy hair and she grabbed hold of it, as he began to move against her. She wasn't sure why but she really wanted him, right now. She couldn't think straight, her mind fuzzy and just began to undo his pants right there. Her hands brushed against his boxers and she giggled. He let out a small moan and grabbed her hand in protest. She frowned._

_"- I legit thought she was a guy, at first." Eridan was still giggling but it sounded distant. Tugging at her shirt with his other hand, Gamzee helped her up. She stumbled into him, feeling surprisingly dizzy and confused. She nearly tripped over the small coffee table and started grinning._

_"I can't see!" Terezi laughed, "Where are we going?" He stopped in front of her and she bumped into him, smiling. He stroked the inside of her wrist, right where her scars were, knowingly. He purred at her, licking her face with his sharp tongue; gentle, wet kisses._

_"Let me be your eyes." he whispered, and he stumbled back and she fell on top of him. She landed on top of him, her head on his chest. He actually laughed but pushed her off, a little harshly. She whimpered, landing on her side on the cold bathroom floor, as she heard him stand and the sound of a lock sliding across._

_"Are we really going to do this?" Terezi had tried to stand up, only to be shushed. She didn't protest any further and let him tear her shirt off. She heard and felt it rip- wow, Gamzee was strong when he wanted to be. He pressed rough kisses to her cheek before continuing. She felt his fingers exploring her torso, his fingers slipping inside of her bra. She gasped, at how cold he was against her hot body. His fingernails caught on her skin as he struggled with her bra. He managed to get it off and kissed the scratch that he'd scratched by mistake._

_"Don't worry, Rezi, I've got you." his voice was a low growl, by this point. She got to pull his shirt off over his head and continue unbuttoning his pants. All the time, he was pressing kisses to her skin and making her feel beautiful, making her feel wanted. She struggled with his pants a few times, as her hands kept missing. He let out a low moan as her hand slipped and slid down inside his pants. He was still lying on top of her, groaning into her mouth._

* * *

 

Terezi couldn't really remember what had happened afterwards, except that it had hurt and as she touched her neck now, she found the line of love bites that he'd given her. She shuddered at the thought. She poured herself her cup of coffee and began to sip at it, shivering at the bitter taste. She swore she could still feel Gamzee's hands pushing against her skin, her teeth against her neck. He'd started out being so careful of her body but had quickly become rough. She was sure that she had bruises all over her torso and thighs.

* * *

 

_The next thing she could remember was lying on the bathroom floor of sombody's house and giggling to herself. The floor was cold against her face and she was completely naked. Gamzee hadn't even leant her his shirt. She was also crying at the same time, because Gamzee had gone and left her there on her own. She was sure that he'd be back soon, any minute now. The door was flung open and somebody stumbled in. She sat up, leaning on her hand._

_"Gamzee?" she looked up, hopefully. There was a soft gasp and Terezi realised that immediately that it wasn't Gamzee. She felt a hand on her shoulder, nails brushing against her skin. They were too long to be Gamzee's nails, which she knew were bitten down and sharp._

_"Oh my god, Terezi! The spirits didn't warn me about this!" she recognised the voice as Aradia's. The hand wasn't hers though, it was Sollux's._

_"You're freezing, TZ." Sollux said, who seemed to have stopped giggling and sobered up a little. Sollux and Aradia? Why were they both going to the bathroom together? Then, Terezi realised what she must've have interrupted._

_"Omorry." she tried to apologise but it all merged into one word, which came out as a sob. She was crying hard on the bathroom floor now as Aradia and Sollux helped her up between them. They felt very, very warm and she shuddered, leaning against them to support herself. She felt like she was going to fall over any moment._

_"Did GZ do thith to you?" Sollux asked, wrapping his jacket around her shoulders. He buttoned it up for her, his hands hot in embarrassment._

_Do this to her? He hadn't done anything to her, they'd done it together. Because they loved each other and wanted to show it to each other. She sobbed onto Sollux's shoulder as Aradia helped her back into her pants. She felt like a baby, being dressed and comforted like this. She let out something between a yell and a cackle, flailing hopelessly._

_"You poor thing." Aradia said, sadly, as she slid Terezi's shoes onto her feet for her. Then, the pair of them lead her out of the bathroom. They kept asking her questions, which she tried her best to answer._

_"Did Gamzee force you to do things with him?"_

_"I wanted to..."_

_"Are you drunk, TZ? Thith ithn't like you."_

_"I think... I think I... I did drink..."_

_"For the love of God, tell me you used protection?"_

_"I don't think..."_

_"Holy thhit, Terezi!"_

_"Omorry, Miss Strawberry Milkshake. You too, Mr Appleberry Blast."_

_"It's okay. Let's get you home."_

_She was lead back over to where she'd been sat with the others earlier. She tried to pick out Gamzee's scent but everything felt of sweat and alcohol. He wasn't here. Even then, she still stretched out her arms and tried to find him._

_"Gamzee, where are you?" she said. She didn't get any response, so she repeated it. Realising that he probably couldn't here, she started yelling it. Repeatedly. She was gently shushed and Aradia pressed a finger to her lips._

_"He's not here, Terezi." Aradia said, loudly, "Gamzee's gone." She was sat down on the couch, where she'd sat before and told to wait there. Sollux kept his arm around her and kept talking to her, trying to keep her conscious. He was telling her bullshit about Gamzee sleeping with other girls (and boys) before her, even Aradia. She wasn't shocked at the time but she was now that she was thinking about it after. Why hadn't anyone warned her?_

_After a while, Aradia had come back over and had a brief whispered conversation with Sollux. Then, she spoke clearly to Terezi._

_"Terezi, Karkat's going to take you home, okay?" Aradia told her, helping her up._

_"I shouldn't have left my cane at home." Terezi moaned, as she fell into Karkat's arms._

* * *

 

Future Terezi outright groaned at Past Terezi's actions and threw her coffee mug in the sink. It shattered into a million pieces and she winced, turning away to go and... Who could she see now? Karkat knew too much and beside, he was Gamzee's friend. Eridan was a whiny bitch. Nepeta... Fuck, she'd abandoned Nepeta. She supposed she could go and see Sollux or Aradia, they'd been quite caring the night before. She stumbled back to her room and sat down at her computer, logging on. She had messages on Trollian, which she opened.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TA: TZ, are you okay?  
TA: AA'2 really worriied.  
TA: fuck iit, ii'm really worriied.  
TA: TZ, tell me when you're awake.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]  
GC: HOLY SH1T, SOLLUX.  
TA: oh, ii 2ee you're awake.  
GC: I DON'T S33 4NYTH1NG  
TA: ii know.  
TA: aradiia'2 really worriied.  
TA: 2he want2 two meet you twoday.  
GC: WHY D1DN'T SH3 T3LL M3 H3RS3LF?  
TA: ii thiink 2he wa2 2cared about how you'd react.  
GC: OH.  
GC: W3LL, 1 DONT R34LLY W4NT TO S33 YOU GUYS.  
GC: W3LL, NOT S33. T4LK TO.  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34N.  
TA: oh, and aa al2o wanted me two tell you that.  
TA: apparently, GZ'2 2preadiing rumours about you.  
TA: he'2 telling everyone that you gave hiim an 2TD.  
TA: and  
TA: that you're a 2leaze bag  
TA: but iit'2 okay becau2e ii know that'2 not true.  
TA: TZ?  
TA: terezii?!

She buried her face in her pillow and had no idea what she was supposed to think about all of this. How could Gamzee be so mean to her? He'd been so nice to her at first, aside from the odd mean comment. She could remember the day they'd first spoken like it was yesterday.

* * *

 

_Her new friends were somewhat unusual, Terezi had told her mom at the end of the week, somewhat "bad". They were the kind of people that the Blind Justice normally fought, not the kind that she sided with. Eridan Ampora, Karkat Vantas and Gamzee Makara. They'd been pretty much absent for her first two weeks at school and when they had bothered to show up, they'd just hung around outside the school gates and refused to come in._

_The principal had called their parents; Eridan's dad came sweeping in no more than seconds later and made a big show of his little boy was growing and how they couldn't push him because he was delicate. Eridan had just about died of embarrassment on the spot and the rest of them had died from laughing much too hard. Gamzee's dad sent an rudely worded apology because he was busy. Well, that's what Sollux said anyway. Karkat didn't seem to have a family._

_Anyway, eventually, they'd been dragged inside and Terezi met them properly. She'd been sitting at the table, when somebody has tapped her on the shoulder._

_"You're in my seat, motherfucker." the boy said, "It's got my name all up and on it. You see?"_

_"No, I don't see. Anything. I'm blind, motherfucker." Terezi returned, standing up and crossing her arms. She held her head high, looking up towards the source of the voice. This guy seemed pretty tall, judging by his voice. The boy shrugged, inhaling slowly, and took a different seat. Triumphant, Terezi sat back down._

_"You must be the new girl." another boy said, "I'm Karkat Vantas." His voice sounded scratchy like a broken record that somebody was trying to play smoothly. He didn't sit in a seat but sat on the edge of the table instead, swinging his legs._

_"Very amusing, Vantas. Get off my table." Mr Hussie said, sitting down at his desk, "And Makara, stop harassing Pyrope, you've caused enough trouble today already."_

_"Pyrope?" The guy who's seat she'd apparently stolen said, thoughtfully, "Is that our new sister's name?"_

_"Gamzee, don't tease Terezi." Nepeta sighed._

_"Terezi?" Gamzee repeated, innocently, "I'm not teasing the sister." Then, he leant over and pressed their noses together. His tongue licked at her lips but before she could open her mouth, he pulled back. He let out another laugh. Terezi spent the rest of the day wondering what would have happened if she'd pressed her lips to his, right there and then._

_It was later, in what Mr Hussie was calling art, (Karkat had quipped to be "exploiting our poor artistic abilities for Hussie's amusement"), when Terezi was approached again by Gamzee Makara. She was drawing with her beloved chalks; she loved the dusty smell of chalk and the sound of it dragging across the black paper and the way it tasted. She was sitting with the green chalk in her mouth, sucking on it, when Gamzee appeared._

_"You smoke, sister?" He asked. She was embarrassed for him to catch her, chewing on a piece of chalk. But she couldn't exactly spit it out now, so she just shook her head._

_"You should. It really clears your head, sister. Lets in the motherfucking miracles." Gamzee said, coolly. He sat down in Nepeta's currently empty seat- she'd gone to the dentist this afternoon, after warning Terezi to stay away from a certain juggalo._

_"What do you want, Makara?" Terezi said, spitting out her words around the piece of chalk wedged in her mouth. She bit down on it, crunching the remainder of the chalk into oblivion._

_"You can up and call me Gamzee if you wanna, Rezi."_

_Sollux was one of Karkat's gang too, Terezi soon found out, but Sollux didn't hang out with them all the time because he grew tired of their bullshit. And Karkat and him argued a lot. And he detested Eridan. Actually, most people detested Eridan because he was an absolute prick and one of the richest kids around. His second home was Starbucks and he had the most expensive laptop Terezi had ever smelt. He also smelt very strongly like sea salt, apparently because he swam a lot. He had the most annoying stammer and didn't get on very well with other people- that was his reason for being in Special Ed._

_Gamzee Makara was the one that opted to use "motherfucker" to refer to everyone whether he liked them or not. He had some freaky clown religion that he was always talking about. He was pretty chilled out, probably due to the excessive drugs. Terezi hated the attraction she felt towards him._

_"But you don't want to see him without them- one day, he couldn't get his dealer to hook him up because he was out of the money. That day is the reason he's in here." Aradia had said, "Though you will see him sober, sometime in the future. I cannot tell you anymore than that." Then, she'd drifted away again._

* * *

 

Terezi wanted to cry.

Instead, she went back into the kitchen and picked up the pieces of broken mug. It wasn't as good as a razor but it would do.

She drove the sharp edge along her wrist and reopened old scars.

* * *

 

PHONECALL [TIME: 4:52am]  
Terezi: Nepeta?  
Nepeta: *yawn* Meowwwwwwwwww...  
Terezi: I'm so sorry to wake you.  
Nepeta: It's fine. *yawn* I've been awake fur an hour.  
Terezi: Doing what?  
Nepeta: Just some... Creative writing.  
Terezi: Creative writing?  
Nepeta: It's nothing. Why'd you call?  
Terezi: Did you hear what Gamzee's been saying about me?  
Nepeta: Meowbe.  
Terezi: It's kind of true.  
Nepeta: You're a whore?  
Terezi: What? No!  
Nepeta: You gave him an STD?  
Terezi: Where would I have picked up an STD?  
Nepeta: So, what _did_ you do?  
Terezi: I slept with Mr Grape Soda.  
Nepeta: *squeak*  
Nepeta: *pause*  
Nepeta: What did you just call him?  
Terezi: Gamzee  
Nepeta: I thought you said... *yawn* Oh whatevfur.  
Terezi: *quickly* You must still be half asleep. So, got any plans?  
Nepeta: You think I have plans for five in the morning?  
Terezi: Oh yeah, that was pretty dumb of me.  
Terezi: I don't really have much of a concept of time at the moment.  
Terezi: I've just been sleeping on and off...  
Terezi: On and off...  
Terezi: Off and on...  
Terezi: Time's weird.  
Nepeta: Terezi... *pause* Do you need me to come over?  
Terezi: I... I think so....  
Nepeta: *pause*  
Nepeta: Where do you live?

To her credit, Nepeta came fast. And Terezi knew that she lived on the other side of town, so she must've ran to get here or stolen a car or something. Or maybe her sense of time really was beginning to fail her. She was still lying on the bathroom floor, when Nepeta got there. She'd been in there, since about two, feeling like she was going to be sick. She couldn't stop thinking about a piece of Gamzee going inside of her. She shuddered. It was cold, her heating had broken and she couldn't get it to work again. Suddenly, the letterbox opened and a hand stuck through.

"Terezi? Are you alive in there?" Nepeta called, in her cutesy voice. God, Terezi forgot how much she loved hearing that sweet, sweet voice. She had to pull herself off the bathroom floor and stumble across her apartment, hitting the door with a thump. She didn't feel alive. It had been a week since the party and she'd not left her apartment. She'd been surviving off leftover food- she wasn't really hungry anyway. She'd been lying on the couch, listening to the TV and soft music and screaming and throwing objects across the room alternatively. She didn't feel any better. She forced the keys into the lock and pulled the door open. Terezi practically fell into Nepeta's arms and the girl squealed in surprise.

"Terezi, oh meow goodness, you're burning up!" Nepeta squeaked, in horror, "Are you sick?"

"I believe that she might've worked herself into a fit of some sort." Equius's strong voice said, "Excuse me for intruding, Miss Pyrope." He lifted her into his arms as if she were no more than a baby.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't come alone." Nepeta said, apologetically, "I was worried you might be in some kind of state." Thank Gog, she was wearing her long sleeves pyjamas so her fresh scars were hidden from view. The feeling of Equius's arms holding her brought back memories.

"Gamzee?" she whimpered, feeling incredibly pathetic. She heard Nepeta shut the door and their footsteps against the floor as they crossed her apartment.

"You have a really nice apartment." Nepeta complimented, though her voice was a little shaky.

"Is a red an too obnoxious for a living room wall?" Terezi muttered.

"It's a little bright." Equius told her, "A little hard on the eyes."

"Thanks for your honesty." Terezi said, a little sarcastically. They entered her room and Equius put her down on the bed. Carefully, Nepeta tucked her in and brushed her hair away from her face. Her fingers were tiny and her chipped nails brushed against Terezi's skin.

"Where's your mother?" Equius asked, curiously, "Is she not caring for you herself?" With a shaky breath, Terezi tugged on the sleeve of her pyjama shirt. She lay back on her pillows.

"Skaia Hospital." Terezi said, quietly, "Where she's been for the past seven or eight months." She didn't cry though, she had to give herself credit for that. She inhaled again, clutching a handful of her pillow with her other hand. There was the longest minute of her entire life as the other two thought about that.

"I'm s-sorry." Nepeta stammered out, "So, uh, what-?"

"I'll get something to cool you down." Equius decided, shuffling from the room.

They weren't quite sure what to do, after Equius had began pressing broken shards of ice wrapped in a towel to her forehead. So, Nepeta began making soup in the kitchen, since she didn't think Terezi had been eating properly. That left Equius and Terezi to make awkward conversation in her bedroom, in close proximity.

"Is this your mother?" Equius picked up the picture from her bedside table.

Terezi didn't even need to sniff the photo to figure out which one it was. It was a photograph that had been taken years ago, when Latula still lived at home. The whole family- that being her mom, Latula and Terezi- had gone for a walk by a lakeside. Her mom said that walks were good because Terezi could participate in them as well- there were things to smell, hear, taste and feel, not just see. Terezi had been pretty happy about that. So, they'd walked all the way around the lake and Terezi had enjoyed chasing the birds around, listening to the squawks they made. She'd been going through a rough time at elementary school, as she'd just discovered that blindness was not the norm, so the walk was a pleasant break. The photo had been taken at the end by Latula, who was too stubborn to be in it.

"Yeah." Terezi sighed. In the picture, she was gripping her mom's hand to steady herself and was smiling widely. Her mom looked happy too, though you could see sickness beginning to touch her- only slightly but it was there.

"She looks a lot like you." Equius said. Same chocolatey brown hair, same startlingly scarlet eyes, same dark skin. They even had the same few freckles across their noses. Or so Terezi had been told. She didn't think of her mom or even herself like that. If she were to describe her mom, she'd say:

"She was wonderful. She always smelt good." Because that was all that really mattered to Terezi. Her mom smelt like an rainy afternoon in the woods; like pine, like damp wood. Like freshness. Like fierceness, like determination. She shifted onto her side.

"Would you care to... Talk about her?" Equius brushed her hair aside and pressed the ice to her neck. Terezi shivered at the sudden cold and he backed off instantly, no doubt wondering if he'd crossed a line. Her mom didn't smell like pine or damp wood or freshness anymore. She smelt like disinfectant, like rubber. She smelt like the machine that was keeping her alive.

"No." Terezi said, a little too harshly.

"Can I get you some water?" Equius changed the subject abruptly and she was grateful for it.

It was six in the morning when Nepeta decided that she was going to bathe Terezi- after she'd hand-fed her soup on the couch, of course. She helped Terezi into the bathroom and slowly, began to help her friend out of her pyjamas. Equius was lounging around in the front room, thankfully.

"You should have called us earlier." Nepeta said, pulling Terezi's shirt off over her head, "I know you don't like the idea of help, Terezi. But holy crap, have you even been eating?"

"Kinda." Terezi shrugged, "It's none really any of your business."

"I'm just trying to help you, I'm not trying to offend you." Nepeta sounded worried, concerned almost, "I'm sorry, Rezi." She helped Terezi wriggle out of her pants and went to remove her underwear. Terezi tensed up as she felt Nepeta's small fingers against her back, trying to unhook her bra.

"Relax." Nepeta said, her voice dropping to a whisper, "It's not weird. I bathe with my sister all the time." That was when Terezi realised that Nepeta was taking off her clothes too. Her bra was easily unhooked and her breasts fell free, rather large as Terezi was a rather chubby girl.

She wondered if Nepeta was looking at her.

She wondered if Nepeta thought she looked pretty, despite everything that had happened.

She wondered if Gamzee had left visible marks on her.

Nepeta bathed with her sister? They were close enough to do that? Terezi would rather die than share a bath with Latula, (her sister would probably say the same).

Listening hard now, she heard the sound of Nepeta's pants being unzipped and slid off, the sound of them hitting the floor. Her squeak as she wriggled free of her underwear and nearly toppled over. The click of her bra being removed and tossed aside. That was when she knew that Nepeta Leijon was standing in front of her, entirely naked.

She wished for eyes.

"Okay." Nepeta turned the taps off and took Terezi by the arm. Carefully, Terezi stepped into the bath and sat down as far back as she could. Nepeta climbed in after her and sat at the other end. Consciously, Terezi crossed her arms over her chest. It's okay, she assured herself, Nepeta isn't like a normal girl. This is normal for her. She uncrossed her arms.

"I'm sorry, is this weird?" Nepeta giggled, "At home, Meulin and I just climb in together like this. We wash each other." When Terezi didn't protest or comment, she seemed to take it as an invitation to begin washing her. Though she was perfectly capable of washing, Terezi let her do it and took comfort in the feeling of small fingers running over her skin. They didn't wander anywhere inappropriate. Thank god.

"You should come to my house sometime! Mom told me to invite you, after I told her about you. Turn around, so I can wash your hair. And take your glasses off, silly!" Carefully, Terezi tugged her glasses off and handed them to Nepeta. There was a clatter as she put them on the side. Slowly, she turned her back to Nepeta. The cat girl began to rub her hands through Terezi's hair and Terezi shivered at the closeness.

They left her alone so that they could go to school, after assuring her that the fridge was fully stocked- Equius apparently went shopping to avoid the girly bathing crisis- and they could be reached by phone if anything went wrong. Well, Nepeta said all of that and Equius just said "have a good day, Miss Pyrope". With a slam of the door, they were gone again and the smile she'd been forcing fell from her face. Terezi did feel better, she had to admit. In fact, she almost felt better about the whole Gamzee incident. But something was still nagging her at the back of her mind. She thought she was over the cutting, she thought she'd been climbing up to recovery. But Gamzee's asshole move had shoved her back down the stairs, ("I warned you about the stairs, bro.", her class would've said. They always said that and it was annoying. They all snickered at their little inside joke but Terezi didn't get it. Apparently, it was from one of Mr Hussie's webcomics?).

She sighed and sat up. She couldn't just lie here all day, she'd sink into a depression. Terezi needed to have some kind of purpose or else she'd go mad. She decided that today was a laundry day.

* * *

 

PHONECALL [TIME: 4:52am]  
Nepeta: Hey Terezi.  
Nepeta: I'm sorry I couldn't tell you in person but....  
Nepeta: *sigh* I, um...  
Nepeta: You know what?  
Nepeta: Never mind.  
Nepeta: It doesn't matter  
Nepeta: Hope you're feeling better!  
Nepeta: Love you!

* * *

 

 

Monday. Nepeta came by after school and cuddled with her under her blankets.

Tuesday. Nepeta told Terezi all about the crush that she used to have on Karkat.

Wednesday. Terezi told Nepeta about her sister and how she'd moved away.

Thursday. Nepeta forced Terezi to take a shower and cooked her dinner.

Friday. Terezi had a nightmare and woke up shaking. Nepeta was there to comfort her.

Saturday. Nepeta slept over again, cuddling her.

Sunday. They shared another bath, sitting much closer together than they did last time.

In fact, Terezi could feel the other girl's slim legs brushing against hers and when Nepeta reached over her to rescue the shampoo, she swear that she felt a small, perky breast brush against her shoulder. She'd brushed it off then, thinking of it as nothing, forcing herself to forget about it. When Nepeta had gone home, saying that she'd promised to help her mom make dinner, Terezi's mind has wandered back to the memory.

At the time, she'd been sat on her bed and trying to watch a movie on her laptop. Before she could help herself, a hand had slid between her legs and began to rub lightly at her crotch while she watched. She thought about the feeling of skin pressing against hers and rocked into her hand, her other one moving up to cup her breast under her shirt. She'd let out a quiet moan and paused her movie, knowing that she was too horny to bypass her only moment alone in the last few days.

She hadn't realised how frustrated she must have been but there was a relief, a gasping relief, as she finally slipped her hand down into her underwear for the first time in weeks. Thinking of Nepeta, of her sweet voice, of her caring gestures, of how she'd stripped naked right in front of Terezi, how her breast had touched her shoulder, she sped up and her fingers spread, making her groan loudly. Predictably, it didn't take long for her to reach climax and she clenched tightly around her fingers, making a complete mess of her underwear.

It was her best orgasm in a while, better than anything she'd before even, and she had to rest there for a while, taking deep breaths and rubbing lazily at herself. Fuck, she was sick-minded to jerk off to her best friend like this. She was so fucking disgusting.

Finally, she had to haul herself up as her slurry began to dry on her underwear because she didn't want to stain it. She'd stripped, showered, washed her clothes but she couldn't deny that she thought of Nepeta the entire time.

* * *

 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GC: SOLLUX  
GC: OH MY GOD  
GC: 1 W4SN'T GO1NG TO T3LL 4NYON3  
GC: BUT 1 N33D TO T3LL SOM3ON3  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 H4V3 4 CRUSH ON SOM3ON3  
GC: >;]  
TA: wow, mu2t "bee" pretty 2eriou2 for you two bother me about iit  
TA: ii've never heard you 2ound 2o happy  
TA: iit'2 2cary  
GC: HEHE >:]  
GC: 1 JUST N33D3D TO T3LL SOM3ON3  
TA: ii'm happy for you, tz  
TA: glad that you're not stiill depre22ed over gz actually  
GC: DON'T T3LL 4NYON3!  
GC: OK4Y?  
GC: >:]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

Terezi pushed away from her computer and slid across her room on her slide-y chair that she had bought just so that she could slid around her room in it like this. She leapt onto her bed and enjoying the bed bouncing under her weight. For the first time in forever, she picked up her scalemates. She hadn't dared touch them ever since she'd started cutting. She didn't really do anything, actually. She never had the energy to do anything and all the things that she'd previously found fun had lost their appeal. She began to arrange her scalemates of all different colours so that they were in the correct places. Terezi cleared her throat loudly.

"The court is now in session!" The legislator declared, "What does the accused plead?" The accused sat still, not even breathing. She could smell the guilt on him, the filthy smell of guilt that smelt an awful lot like indigo and cigarette smoke and sweat. Like... Like Gamzee... The legislator grew distracted for a moment, drawing her breath in sharply. He had always smelt so good. Bad but good.

The alert from her computer jerked her from her thoughts and she shook her head. Today wasn't meant to be about Gamzee; her days off from school weren't meant to be about him. They were meant to be about her and about recovering. She took a deep breath and went to her computer again.

And she tried not to think about him. So, she thought about Nepeta instead.

* * *

 

_On her first day at her new school, Terezi had found her way to the bottom of the seemingly never-ending flight of stairs and made her way to the front door. She was instantly hit in the face by a cold breeze and shuddered, wrapping her jacket tighter around her. She was wearing a jacket, a sweater, a shirt and a vest- all in black, except her shirt- and she was still cold. Her sneakers made a crunching sound as she stepped outside, which could only mean. Oh, no._

_"Snow?" Terezi muttered in confusion, as she knelt down on the ground. To be fair, it was the middle of winter so it wasn't unusual for there to be snow. She picked some up and rubbed it between her hands. It was cold and crunchy, yet soft. She wondered what it looked like. On the downside, snow made it harder for her to find her way around._

_Everything was much sloppier and sometimes, her cane would slip and she would land on her face. That would be embarrassing on her first day of school. She continued walking, her cane crunching against the snow. She wondered if she should have brought a scarf or some gloves as she began the practiced route to her school. She'd memorised it carefully._

_"A left on this corner, a right over here, now straight across." Terezi muttered under her breath, hoping that she was judging the distances correctly. She had to focus on hard on not slipping and falling as she walked._

_She realised she must've reached the school, when she heard muttered conversations and footsteps._

_When Terezi had been accepted into her new school, she'd been told to come an hour early than the other students. Apparently, the Special Ed. class started earlier so that the kids didn't get pushed around in the corridors. They also stayed in the same classroom all day and eat lunch there. So, they were basically isolated from everyone else in the school._

_Which she had to admit, she felt disappointed about. But she was glad that she wasn't the only freak in this school and that she wouldn't be stuck in a class full of people, asking if they could try her glasses on and did she know what colours looked like and was she really, definitely blind? (no, no and yes). So, these people outside must be the Special Ed. class. She made her way carefully through the snow towards the other people. Silence fell, as she approached them._

_"You must be mew!" came a slightly too delighted squeal, "AC welcomes mew to our school!" And suddenly, there was an overexcited girl attached to her arm. She was jumping up and down, pulling Terezi's arm with her. She was rubbing her head against Terezi, just like a cat. As weird as it was, it was pretty cute._

_"Uh, Nepeta, I think you're, um, scaring her." a boy said, nervously. Slowly, the girl loosened her grip on her arm and eventually, backed away, as she calmed down._

_"I'm Nepeta and I'm a kitty!" She said, helpfully._

_"I'm Terezi." She tried to back away and bumped directly into someone, who grunted._

_"Watch where you're going!" a male voice snapped at her._

_"I can't watch anything, dumbass, I'm blind!" Terezi growled at him. Nobody said anything for a moment, as they took in her statement. She couldn't believe she'd played the blind card so early in the game._

_"Oh." the boy said, "I'm Sollux." He definitely had a lisp but that wasn't enough to qualify you for Special Ed., was it? There must be something else, something she couldn't see. Maybe he'd broken both arms or something._

_"Okay, guys, you can come in now!" came a kind voice. Everyone either seemed to let out a low groan of irritance or a meow of excitement, (the latter was only Nepeta). Terezi would estimate- judging by the footsteps and voices- that there were four other kids in their class; Nepeta, Sollux, the nervous guy and somebody else. Somebody that hadn't spoken yet. She approached them, as they headed towards the entrance to the school as a group. She tapped the person on the arm._

_"Hm?" It was definitely a female voice, "Can I help you?" The voice was smooth without showing any emotion. The best way to describe it was "floaty". Like a feather or a cloud or a marshmallow. It sounded dead and faraway._

_"We haven't met yet." Terezi said, feeling like an idiot, "I wanted to make sure that I knew everyone in our group. Makes my life easier."_

_"I see. My name is Aradia Medigo. I hear dead people." the girl- uh, Aradia- said to her. Terezi wasn't sure whether or not to laugh at that. She sounded pretty serious about it._

_When they entered a room, Nepeta suddenly grabbed her by the arm._

_"You can sit by me, Terezi." she said, brightly, as she dragged her across the room. Terezi found a plastic chair and sat down. She felt around to "see" where they were. She discovered that they were all sitting at a table, presumably in a classroom. She was wedged between Nepeta and one of the boys. She didn't have time to puzzle further because a man started speaking- their teacher?_

_"Good morning everyone." There was a series of grunts and a meow in response. Terezi got the feeling that Nepeta meowed a lot. The girl's hand slid down her arm and was now holding her hand tightly, her hand cold from the weather outside. Her touch was welcome._

_"As you can see, we've got a new face with us today, Terezi Pyrope. I'm Mr Hussie. The Huss."_

_"Escape while you can, TZ." Sollux advised._

_"This place does kind of suck." Mr Hussie said, like he hated this place just as much as they did. And then, they had began their first lesson._

* * *

 

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AC: :33 > *pounsellor ac mews and slinks along the floor, wrapping furself around the legislators ankles*  
AC: :33 > *she looks up to the legislator with a puzzled face ://*  
AC: :33 > *ac is curious as to who the legislator likes*  
GC: >:[  
GC: *TH3 L3G1SL4TOR S1GHS LOUDLY 4ND P4TS TH3 POUNC3LLORS H34D*  
GC: W41T, HOW'D YOU 3V3N F1ND OUT ABOUT TH4T?  
AC: :33 > *ac ponders if the legislator is an idiot*  
AC: :33 > *pawllux told her*  
GC: TH4T MORON SOLLUX C4N'T K33P 4NYTH1NG TO H1MS3LF, C4N H3???  
AC: :33 > well, actually, Aradia told me. Pawllux told her. It's getting around purrtty fast.  
GC: OH FUCK  
AC: :33 > all my ships!  
AC: :33 > is it that dave boy that lives in the apurrtment downstairs?  
AC: :33 > is it?

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

AC: :33 > purrezi?

Terezi let out a small sigh and rested her head on her desk. She loved Nepeta, really she did. But the girl was so difficult to deal with sometimes; her cat obsession and roleplaying and shipping could really grate a person's nerves sometimes. Terezi supposed that it wasn't really Nepeta that was the problem. She, herself, was the problem. If only Nepeta had met the old Terezi- she used to be much nicer! And more fun. Current Nepeta would have got along well with past Terezi. If only time travel was invented.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AA: i supp0se y0u kn0w that we all kn0w ab0ut y0ur crush n0w  
AA: i knew it all al0ng 0f c0urse  
GC: L3T M3 GU3SS. TH3 D34D TOLD YOU 4BOUT H3R  
GC: 1 M34N H1M  
GC: TH3M  
AA: n0 the dead d0 n0t tell me such trivial everyday things  
AA: they simply warn me ab0ut the ap0calypse  
AA: the end 0f the w0rld as we kn0w it  
AA: they warn me 0f my deaths t00  
AA: i just knew ab0ut y0ur your girlfriend because i kn0w these things  
AA: ribbit  
GC: D1D YOU T3LL 4NYON3 OTH3R TH4N N3P?  
GC: (DO YOU 3V3N KNOW WHO 1T 1S?)  
AA: i t0ld many pe0ple  
AA: (and my suspici0ns are yet to be c0nfirmed)  
AA: nepeta equius kanaya karkat vriska  
AA: s0 every0ne 0n the sch00l c0uncil  
GC: OH MY GOG. I H4T3 YOU.  
AA: they might've t0ld s0me 0ther pe0ple  
AA: ribbit  
AA: at least n0b0dy kn0ws wh0 it is  
AA: they just kn0w y0u like s0me0ne  
AA: a n0t-gamzee s0me0ne  
AA: the spirits are saying that he's g0ing t0 be angry if he finds 0ut  
GC: BL4444444444444444444HHHHHHHHHH! >:[  
GC: STUP1D 4NNOY1NG D34D G1RL!!!!!!  
AA: 0_0

Terezi sighed and banged her head on her desk until her thoughts felt fuzzy, like her antenna had gotten bad interference. There was another alert from her computer, so she sat up again and looked. Well, licked. Oh, crap. This could not be happening.

twinArmageddons [TA] opened memo on the board TWIINARMAGEDDON2'2 MESSAGE BOARD ten minutes ago

TA: 2o the new2 got around pretty fa2t about TZ liikiing 2omeone  
TA: and ii wanted two 2ay that ii'm really 2orry, terezii.  
TA: thiing2 2pun a liittle out of control

apocalypseArisen [AA] responded to memo five minutes ago

AA: s0 y0u decided t0 ap0l0gise via a public message b0ard where every0ne can see  
AA: instead 0f starting a private c0nversati0n  
AA: h0w smart of y0u s0llux  
AA: 0f c0urse i saw this c0ming  
AA: i always knew this b0ard would c0ntain this mem0 at this exact p0int in time  
AA: in fact i have been waiting f0r this b0ard  
AA: ever since we all g0t trapped in these fragile human f0rms  
AA: it is the beginning 0f everything  
TA: briighteniing the mood a2 alway2, AA  
TA: ii do love you 2ometiime2  
AA: 8)

adiosToreador [AT] responded to memo three minutes ago

AT: uH,, aS SCARY AS AA IS, sHE'S RIGHT  
AT: i THINK  
AT: yOU SHOULDN'T HAVE,, uHHHH,  
AT: pUT THIS ON YOUR BOARD  
AA: y0u d0nt understand tavr0s  
AA: s0llux was always g0ing t0 put this 0n this b0ard at this p0int in the timeline  
AT: oH,, i SEE,  
AT: uHHH,  
TA: guy2 thii2 wa2 not meant two be a diicu22iion about tiime  
TA: ii wa2 ju2t  
TA: ugh, ii giive up!

Terezi couldn't bring herself to reply to the twenty million messages popping up on her screen. She shouldn't have trusted Sollux, she should have kept this to herself. Now, her private moment of happiness was being broadcast everywhere and didn't feel so happy anymore. She couldn't bear to think about Gamzee and what he'd do to her, if he found out about Nepeta. He'd... He'd certainly do worse than he had that awful night three months ago. She sighed and climbed back onto her bed, flopping into her pile of scalemates. She couldn't bring herself to hold the fake court any longer.

"It looks like you go free." Terezi told the guilty scalemate, wrapping her arms around it, "You're lucky. I bet I won't get off so easily." Then, the phone rang and she dragged herself to her feet. It was probably Nepeta ringing to apologise. She answered and held the phone to her ear.

Terezi: Nepeta, I think that we need to-  
Feferi: *shakily* Hello, this is the Alternia City Hospital. We're just calling to inform you that Mrs Pyrope is in critical condition and we require a family member here to discuss... To discuss turning off the life support machine.... I'm so sorry, Terezi. But... *sob* They don't think she's going to wake up.

* * *

 

_The first time Terezi had met Feferi Peixes had been a few months ago. She'd approached the hospital front desk, feeling nervous about seeing her mom._

_"Hello! You must be Miss Serket, here to see the eye doctor?" Feferi had looked up at her, grinning. She couldn't be referring to Vriska Serket? Terezi hated that girl, she hated her! They had what some might call a "history". She hadn't seen her in years._

_"No?" Terezi said, puzzled. She readjusted her glasses and leaned on the desk, her fingers fumbling for the sign in book. She found it and ran her fingers over it, finding the dents in the paper where names were written._

_"Oh. Sorry!" Feferi said, not to be put off._

_"My name is Terezi Pyrope." she said, as she found a blank space on the sheet, "Is this where I write my name?"_

_"Mhm!" Feferi must've nodded because she waited a moment before saying, "Yes, right. Are you... Are you blind, if you forgive me asking?"_

_"No, I just carry around the cane for shits and giggles." Terezi said, sarcastically, as she wrote out her name carefully. She was almost certain that she wrote outside of the box._

_"Then, you put who you're visiting and what room. Who are you visiting?" Feferi was trying to be helpful and Terezi was frustrated by it. The poor girl was just trying to help but was being incredibly annoying._

_"My mom." Terezi said, as she scrawled it on the paper, "Next is the time entering, right?" She'd filled in enough of these to know how they worked by now. There was no comment from Feferi, who was now tapping away on her computer._

_"You want room 114." she said, "Straight down the corridor, through the double doors, take you first left. The stairs are straight ahead. Then, you go up the stairs, go straight ahead. It's the third door on the right. Can you remember that?"_

_"I got a pretty good memory." Terezi assured her, "See you around."_

_"Feferi Peixes!" the girl supplied, happily, "Enjoy your visit."_

_Her first visit to her mom had been a little more than traumatising. To know that her mom was unconscious here and that a machine was the only thing keeping her alive was heartbreaking. Terezi had stayed all morning and most of the afternoon, almost asleep in her chair, before she was told that she had to leave. She'd been in tears as she left and was grateful for her glasses that shielded her eyes from view. She'd had to ask the nurse for directions back to the front entrance._

_"Terezi!" came an excited squeal from the reception desk, "I thought I must've missed you."_

_"Hi... Feferi?" Terezi had said. The girl had signed Terezi out herself, as she excitedly told her that she was being let off sooner today because the girl that did the night shift had arrived early. She'd gathered up her things in her bag and slid her rain coat on, before leaving with Terezi._

_"How was your mom?" Feferi asked. TAP. TAP. TAP. Terezi focused on the sound of her cane against the wet steps, as she made her way down. She nearly slipped but recovered._

_"Unconscious." Terezi said; the word came out sounding a little strangled and Feferi wrapped an arm around her._

_"I'm sorry." the receptionist said, "That sucks."_

_"Yeah." Terezi agreed._

_"Where do you live? Can I walk you home?" Feferi asked. Back then, Terezi still lived far away from the hospital and had to take a bus home. She explained this and the girl said that she'd just walk her to the bus stop then. Was that okay? And Terezi nodded, letting out a low sigh. She didn't like people thinking that she needed help; she was fine on her own._

_"Do you like fish?" Feferi couldn't just be quiet, she had to ask questions and talk constantly. It was a little grating but Terezi could live with it. After a week of teasing at school, she was just grateful that Feferi wasn't stealing her glasses. The girl had already asked a million questions, most of which Terezi had answered with a noncommittal grunt. She didn't want the girl to find out that she was: 1. Living alone, 2. Cutting herself, 3. Using her college fund to pay the rent and 4. Being teased at school on a daily basis._

_"Sure." Terezi shrugged, "Fish are cool."_

_"Oh, fintastic!" Feferi clapped her hands together, "Want to come to the aquarium with me?" It was so sudden that Terezi stopped where she was, in the middle of the sidewalk. It was still raining a little, the raindrops tickling the back of her neck._

_"What? No!" Terezi said. She'd been to an aquarium before and had not had a great experience to say the least._

_"Maybe another time. I'll keep the tickets." They walked the rest of the way to the bus stop in silence. Feferi gave an enthusiastic goodbye before racing off. The girl never seemed too hurt but Terezi's harsh words._

* * *

 

Of course, she'd taken the first bus into town after receiving the call from Feferi. Her mom... she couldn't lose her mom, her mom was the only family that she seemed to have. Latula didn't seem to care about her the last time that she saw- uh, spoke to- her, and she'd never had a dad. Nepeta hadn't spoken to her since she'd spread the rumour about Terezi liking someone, (someone being Nepeta, of course, the irony of the situation was unbelievable). Since then, Terezi had received several messages, most of them asking if the rumours were true.

And several of them, from Eridan and Gamzee, were nasty messages.

She'd been called a whore at least twenty times.

It was all such a misunderstanding; she hadn't done anything with Eridan or with Nepeta, she hadn't wanted to do anything with Gamzee. And now people thought the new girl had dropped out of school because she was ashamed of sleeping around.

The bullshit was piling up and up and honestly, Terezi was beginning to lose it a little. She sighed and pressed her forehead against the bus window, checking her cellphone for anything from Nepeta. There was nothing. She messaged her:

GC: H3Y N3P3T4, M3SS4G3 M3 4S SOON 4S YOU G3T TH1S

And then:

GC: 1TS URG3NT

The bus jolted to a stop and Terezi was out and running towards the double doors at the front of the hospital, which she threw open and kept running. By now, she knew the way to the hospital off by heart. She came here every week.

* * *

 

_Her Saturdays were always spent sitting in the hospital, at her mom's bedside._

_A few times, Terezi would get up and press her nose to the cold window or went to get a cup of the crappy coffee they had here, that seemed to be 98% water or some shit like that. The rest of her time was spent by her mom's bedside. After her mom had gone into a coma, the kind doctor had explained to Terezi that it was like her mom had gone to sleep for a long time. She'd wake up, eventually. It was just a matter of waiting. She also told her that apparently coma victims can often hear people speaking to them, so Terezi should try and talk to her mom. Which was why Terezi spent the majority of her weekends sitting by her mom's bedside, gripping her hand and talking in quiet tones, so that the nurses couldn't overhear._

_"So, I started at my new school." Terezi scooted her chair a little closer to her mom, "Everyone there seems kind of crazy but it's not as bad as I thought. None of the kids are bullying me or anything."_

_"I met a nice girl called Nepeta. I think you'd like her mom. Maybe if you woke up, I could introduce you?" Terezi said, hopefully. She always hoped that if she asked her mom enough times, eventually she would jerk awake. She'd squeeze Terezi's hand and sit up in her bed, pulling her daughter closer._

_"I'd love to meet her." Her mom would say, "Tell me more about her. I'm so glad you're making friends at your new school, Rezi. I'm so sorry that I slept in." Her mom always used to joke that she was terrible at getting up on time and almost always slept in. But it never occurred to Terezi that her mom could sleep in this long._

_For the record, there'd been no signs of her mom waking up, her hand didn't even twitch, but Terezi never stopped hoping. She rubbed her thumb over the back of her mom's hand, liking the feel of the soft skin._

_"Nepeta's kinda small, I think, and she seems to think that she's a cat?" Terezi knew her mom would smile at that; her mom always encouraged strangeness, "I wanted to be her best friend but she already has one, he's called Equius. He's really strong, apparently. And I made some other friends too: Sollux, Aradia, Tavros. All the people in my Special Ed. class. I think even Mr Hussie's kind of my friend- he's one of those teachers that's everyone's friend. He's so laid back, Mom, he curses all the time and I'm pretty sure he was eating potato chips under his desk." She quietened down then, hoping for a miracle. Nothing happened, as per usual. She crossed one leg over the other and smoothed out her pant legs, getting rid of the creases._

_"It's been snowing, Mom. I wish you could see it." Terezi paused, "I wished I could see it. If you woke up, you could tell me what it's like. Please wake up, please!" She closed her eyes tightly to hold back her tears. She squeezed her mom's hand. She wiped her eyes and slumped back in her chair._

_"She'll wake up, sweetie." the nurse at the door said, "It's just a matter of waiting. We've already been getting a lot of positive signals from her." Yeah, then how come she's still fucking unconscious?_

_"Okay, sure." Terezi said, in a cracked voice. Slowly, she reached for her cane and stood up. She knew what it meant when the nurse arrived; it meant that it was time to leave. She traipsed from the room, a little sad now._

~

Now, when she reaches the hospital room, there are many people in there. This is new and she has to shove her way to her mom's bedside, yelling for somebody to tell her what's going on, that's her mom. It's Feferi that takes her aside and tells her that they need to know if she wants the life machine on or off.

"They think she might be in pain." Feferi says and that's enough to decide it for Terezi.

"Turn it off." She commanded.

"Are you-"

"Turn it off!" And then, she'd removed herself to go and sit in the corridor outside, collapsing against the wall and sliding down until her head rested on her knees. She sat there for a few long hard moments before checking her phone to see if Nepeta had messaged her back.

AC: :33 > what's going on purrezi???  
AC: :33 > are you in trouble?  
AC: :33 > is it gamzee????????  
GC: 1TS NOTH1NG L1K3 TH4T  
AC: :33 > oh thank goodness!!  
AC: :33 > what's wrong then?  
GC: YOU KNOW HOW 1 TOLD YOU TH4T MY MOM W4S 1N TH3 HOSP1T4L  
AC: :33 > yes. is she okay??  
GC: NO  
GC: SH3S B33N 1N 4 COM4 FOR 4 WH1L3  
GC: MONTHS  
GC: 1 JUST 4GR33D TO TURN TH3 L1F3 M4CH1N3 OFF

Tears began to drip down Terezi's cheeks and she sniffled, wiping them away.

GC: FUCK 1M SORRY  
GC: SH3 W4S TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT P3RSON 1N MY L1F3  
AC: shoosh shoosh  
AC: :33 > it's okay to be upset  
AC: :33 > you've been through a lot  
AC: :33 > do you need a ride home?  
GC: Y34H  
GC: Y34H 1 DO  
GC: SH1T  
AC: shoosh I'm coming to pick you up  
AC: be by the doors  
AC: <3

And as Terezi cried, all she could think about were all the mistakes that she'd made.

* * *

 

_She'd been cold. Admitting it aloud was her first mistake._

_"You can havve my scarf." Eridan had declared, wrapping it around her and nearly strangling her before she could protest. She hadn't noticed him slowly edging towards her but he was practically on her lap by this point. Poor Eridan was so starved of attention, Terezi realised. She took pity on him and didn't protest as he took her hand in his slippery grip._

_"You knoww, wwe could go to a movvie at the drivve-in." Eridan whispered to her, "I havve a pretty great car." She knew that the Amporas were rich. But if Eridan had a car- and judging by his rich boy attitude, a fairly good one- why did he let them be drove around in Gamzee's crappy, beat-up car? He didn't like to share his toys, she supposed._

_"Okay." Terezi shrugged, mainly out of pity. There was a collective round of soft gasps, which Terezi assumed were from her saying yes to a date with Eridan. After all, nobody ever did._

_"I'll pick you up at six." Eridan said, and his slithery hand stayed tightly wrapped around hers._

_Agreeing to the stupid date had been her second mistake._

_Obviously, she hadn't bothered to dress up because it was only Eridan. She'd waited on the curb outside her apartment for a while and presumed that he wasn't going to show to. She was going to go in, when much to her surprise, Eridan rolled up fifteen minutes late- with Starbucks._

_"Thank you so much, Terezi." he said, as he helped her into the front seat. He held the car door open for her and everything, holding her arm gently to help her in. His nails dug into her skin. Her guilt for him prickled. Eridan wasn't a bad guy, she supposed, he should get a nice girlfriend one day. If only he didn't have Karkat crushing his dreams daily with snide remarks._

_"I'm sorry I was late, I had to get frappuccinos." Eridan said, as he backed the car up. His arm was resting along the top of the seats, like he was intending to snake it around her at the first chance he got._

_"It's cool. Which one's mine?" Terezi asked. There was a sort of choking noise like she'd punched Eridan in the gut._

_"I didn't get you one. They're both for me." Eridan said, "I don't share with peasants like yourself." And suddenly, Terezi remembered why nobody liked Eridan. He was an asshole. She considered getting out of the car and then remembered that her alternative was an evening of lying on her couch, wondering what the point of life was._

_"Gee, thanks asshole." There was a pause where Eridan might've realised his mistake or maybe he was just focusing on crashing the car and killing both of them. He was a terrible driver, jolting the car this way and that._

_"You're less fun that I thought." Eridan commented._

_"Sorry to disappoint you." Terezi replied, harshly. The rest of the drive was awkward._

_The movie itself was awful, one of those soppy romances that followed the same pattern as all romances- girl/boy leads ordinary life, then they meet new, fun and exciting insert name here, suddenly their life is flipped upside down. But will they choose love or their friends? Terezi wanted to stab her own eyes out with a fork and eat them. Or maybe her ears so that she wouldn't be able to hear Eridan and his whiny commentary throughout the movie that blocked out the voice of the newest teen heartthrob on screen. Any pity for this boy had evaporated. The car smelt strongly of those expensive cigarettes that Eridan smoked and of old vinyl records and pot. She kicked some garbage from where her feet were resting and wrinkled her nose. To say the least, she did not enjoy the evening._

_She told Karkat so, the very next day. He just shrugged and tugged on his hoodie, adjusting it a little. He was strangely quiet all day now that she thought about it- almost nervous. Maybe he'd known that Gamzee was mad. Terezi certainly hadn't._

_The third mistake was Karkat's for not warning her._

* * *

 

Nepeta had picked her up in her car, or what Terezi guessed to be her car. Perhaps it was Equius's but she didn't bother to ask, allowing herself to be lead outside and helped into the front seat. Nepeta buckled her in, kissed her gently on the cheek, and for the first time, the Libra realised that she was alone with the Leo again. They hadn't been alone like this since they last bathed together. The thought, combined with the soft kiss, made her face heat up. She swears she felt heat pool at her the pit of her stomach.

"How do you feel?" Nepeta says, eventually. She hasn't started the car, she's just sitting there and drumming her fingers against the steering wheel.

"I..." Terezi considers it, "I feel awful. Why does the universe hate me so much? Why would it do this to me? Is it a punishment for letting Gamzee have his way with me?"

"No." Nepeta says, firmly, "Purrezi, it's not your fault. That asshole took advantage of you. You were drunk. You couldn't have stopped him. He's done it before, he'll do it again." She sighs, "Don't blame yourself."

"... Okay." Terezi doesn't want to argue with her. Especially since she's probably right.

"Terezi..." Nepeta sighs again, "Can you please promise me something?"

"What?"

"Don't hurt yourself, anypaw."

The Libra's about to protest, when she's shushed. She wipes her nose on her sleeve.

"When we bathed together, I saw." Nepeta's voice is shaking, "I saw the scars. And I don't want mew to do it."

"I-"

"Terezi, would you cut me if I upset you?"

"Of course not!" Terezi is horrified by even the thought.

"Then, why would you do it to yourself? Treat yourself how you want others to treat you."

"I don't think that's how the saying goes."

"Meowbe I don't give a damn. Don't hurt yourself anypaw. Please." And she turns the key in the ignition, booting the car into gear. And she began back towards Terezi's apartment, tuning the radio to some pop music station. Halfway home, the grief that she would never see or speak to her mom ever again sank in and Terezi started howling, sobbing hard. By the time they got home, she just felt oddly empty.

Carefully, Nepeta helped her inside and had carried her up the stairs. This was quite the feat as Terezi weighed nearly twice as much as Nepeta but the girl was evidently stronger than she looked. When they reached her apartment, Terezi fished her keys out and unlocked the door. Nepeta helped her strip down to her underwear and tucked her into bed.

Terezi waited for her to say goodbye and leave.

She was very surprised when Nepeta starts to remove her clothes too, sliding under the covers to join her. It was a single bed, small, and the two of them ended up being tangled together under the covers. Nepeta was pretty warm and comfortable, her hair fluffy without her hat on. Terezi was very surprised she didn't sleep with the thing on. She made sure to make herself comfortable too, wrapping her arms around Terezi's waist and nestling there.

Despite everything, Terezi managed a small smile.

As she fell asleep, she was almost content with Nepeta wrapped in her arms. 

* * *

 

_"Terezi, come with me." Gamzee said, standing up. They'd been lounging in the front room of Karkat's home a while, the TV on. Terezi and Karkat were laying on the couch, their legs tangled together. Karkat was awfully short and his short legs were like snakes, slithering between hers. She humoured him. Sollux was sat under their legs, probably half crushed to death by now. He seemed focused on the TV or maybe he was wrapped up in his own thoughts, as he hadn't spoken since they'd got here. Karkat had been sitting on the arm of the couch, tugging and stroking Terezi's hair as he pleased. Eridan was sitting on the floor, miserably._

_"Terezi!" Gamzee snapped, suddenly, when she didn't leap to her feet immediately. She wriggled her legs free of the others and clutched Gamzee for support as she got up. He didn't offer her so much as an arm to help her up and shoved her away._

_"Come on!" She was forced to chase after him, her cane tapping frantically in front of her. She didn't want to stumble into any broken glass or cigarettes that had been stubbed out on the floor. She followed him across the house and up the stairs, wondering what could be so important- roughly, he snatched her cane from her hand and tossed it aside._

_"Gamzee-" Terezi went to protest but was already being tugged into another room. She heard the door slam shut and the lock slide across._

_For a long time, neither of them spoke and Terezi shifted uneasily from foot to foot. A sense of unnerve was creeping up over her and crashing down in waves. Every nerve in her body screamed: DANGER. DANGER. DANGER. RUN. RUN. RUN. But how could she run if the door was shut? And anyway, running would make it worse? Once Gamzee caught her, she'd be in for it... She shook her head. This was Gamzee- he wasn't a monster._

_"I don't appreciate the thought of Ampora all up and running his greasy hands all over you, my little miracle." Gamzee said, eventually and his voice was close. She could feel his body heat radiating off him, could smell the smoke on his breath, could smell his sweat covering his body._

_"He didn't touch me." Terezi said, so quietly that she almost mouthed it. Her hands were shaking and she clenched them into fists._

_"Don't be scared, Terezi, I've got you now." he put a finger to your lips to shush your next protest. She stepped back and her back hit the wall suddenly. His hands hit the wall either side of her, trapping her there._

_"Are you trying to run?" He hissed at her, in a disgusted tone, "I thought better of you then that."_

_"What- what do you want?" Terezi felt threatened. She also felt incredibly aroused by this whole situation. She felt his breath against her skin, the pattern of his breathing. His teeth scraped over her neck, a little rough and jagged._

_"I want them to know that you're mine." Gamzee whispered to her collarbone, as he bit down hard. She screamed, fighting against his grip. Her breath escaped in fast, terrified gasps._

_"Miracles." He murmured, through a mouthful of her skin, "My little miracle ." Then, he let go with his teeth and took a step back to admire his work. His teeth would leave a mark, that was for sure. She shivered, thinking it was over. Then, he launched at her with his teeth bared._

_There was a fold in time and suddenly, she was back on the couch with no memory of how she got here. She could hear Sollux and Karkat arguing back and forth about gaming or maybe movies or maybe something else that she had no interest in. She could feel a steady thudding that was so loud that at first, she wondered if it was an earthquake._

_"You awake, motherfucker?" Gamzee asked, poking her in the face. She realised that the steady beat she could hear was the sound of his heart- she was leaning against his chest, lying on his lap._

_"You all up and passed out." Gamzee told her, as she sat up, "We thought you were dead. Honk!" Then, he added, "You should have said if you felt tired, sis." She could hear a harsh tone underlying his words, like a warning. A warning that she should keep her mouth shut about what happened in the bedroom. What had happened? She remembered his teeth digging into the skin of her collarbone, chewing on her flesh like a demonic creature. And then... Nothing. She put a hand to her collarbone and slid her fingers under her shirt, tracing the mark he had left there._

_"I want them to know that you're mine." Gamzee had said. Shit. She traced her finger along the line of her collarbone, finding a long line of hickeys on her skin. She shivered._

_"Hey TZ." Sollux said, turning to her, "You want to go home now?"_

_"What? And miss all the fun?" Karkat muttered, sarcastically._

_"Thhe paththed out, remember? Dumbathth." Sollux grabbed Terezi by the hand and pulled her to her feet._

_"Come on, Rezi." Karkat stood also, with a sigh at having to get up._

_"Actually, I can take myself." Terezi said, "I don't need protection."_

_"Damn right, you don't." Gamzee muttered._

* * *

 

She'd woken up in tears and screaming the next morning and had for the next few weeks. Nepeta always seemed to be there in her bed, to roll over and tightly encase her in a hug, shushing her gently. She never told her that it was okay, she just told her that things would get better. And for whatever reason, Terezi always believed her. Nepeta seemed so certain of it.

But still, Terezi couldn't help having the nightmare of how Gamzee had pinned her down and bitten down hard on her, not letting her leave.

How he'd fucked her on that bathroom floor and abandoned her there.

She couldn't believe that she'd let him use her like that.

She was always shaking when she woke up and Nepeta had to comfort her. When the hugs weren't enough, she started kissing her. The first few times, it was just on the cheeks. But then, there had been one time when Terezi hadn't been able to calm down- she couldn't stop yelling- and Nepeta had leaned in and kissed her properly, mashing their mouths together. Then, she'd drawn back and apologised over and over.

Terezi had just kissed her to shut her up.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you better, Terezi."

They kissed again.

"I'm sorry that I kept trying to push you away, Nepeta."

And again.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Again.

"Nepeta."

"Mhm?"

"Do you want to go out sometime?"

"AC would like that a lot!"


	2. EPILOGUE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Afterwards....

"Hey, Terezi!" As usual, when school ends, Nepeta is quick to cycle over to her girlfriend's apartment and run all the way up the stairs, only pausing to say hi to Dave on his floor, flinging the front door open, "Guess who's home? And I brought your math homework!" That earns her a loud groan that AC picks up on with her especially sharp hearing- huntresses have to have sharp hearing so that they can hunt they prey. She ditches her school bag in the hall and hurries through to the kitchen, where she discovers her purrlfriend is making a pot of tea already for her. Cornering her, she smiles widely and wraps her arms tightly around the blind girl's torso. 

"Couldn't you have lost my math homework so I didn't have to do it?" 

"You know the rules, GC!" Nepeta chirps, "If you aren't gonna come to school with me, you've at least got to do the work. Are you gonna be coming back soon?" She's eager to have her girlfriend back in school so that she'll have somebody to talk to other than Sollux and Aradia and occasionally Karkat when he bothers to turn up. Sure, all those people are pretty nice and all, but none of them as are beautiful or kissable as Terezi! Speaking of which, she presses her face up against Terezi's back and leaves kisses just below her neck. She struggles to reach. 

"I hope so. I miss you a lot while you're there." Terezi turns and picks her up, swinging her around a few times, before carrying her to the couch and dropping Nepeta onto it. Since she's been away, Terezi has had a lot of time to herself and a lot of it has been put into self-defence classes to make sure that if Gamzee ever approached her again, she could kick the shit out of him. As a result, she's built up an awful lot of muscle. She can lift Nepeta easily and her biceps are enough to make the smaller girl swoon. Sure enough, she can see them now poking out from under her t-shirt sleeve and Nepeta pretends like she's going to faint. 

"You're so good looking, Terezi." 

"You're so silly." But she swears that she sees a hint of a smile cross the Libra's face as she crosses the room to pour the finished tea. It's only a few minutes before she returns with two cups, one blue and one teal, placing them on the table beside the couch. Eagerly, Nepeta makes a snatch for her tea but gets her hands smacked lightly away. "Be careful, it's hot!"

"Pfft." She wraps her arms around Terezi as she sits beside her, "Tell me about your day." 

"Well, I went to the gym. I hung out with Dave-" 

"AC GASPS!" Nepeta proclaims, "Do I have to worry about him stealing you away from me?"

"No, don't worry. You're the only one for me, Great Huntress." Terezi grins toothily and it's a welcome sight, "Your tea should be safe to start drinking now." She picks up her own, cupping it in her hands as she takes a long sip, "And I went to my hospital appointment to see if anything could be done about my eyes. Nada. I'm kind of glad." 

"Don't you want to see me?" 

"It's nothing like that. I just find everything else so overwhelming already that I think that being able to see would just make everything so much worse. Besides, I already know that you're completely beautiful." She takes another sip, "How about you, how did your day go?" 

"It's going a lot better now that you're here." Nepeta beams, "I... Gamzee came into school today..."

Terezi freezes. "Yeah?"

"And nothing. He was all over Kanaya- a nice girl in the other class- but she punched him in the face. Took him right out. He had to go home early because they couldn't stop the bleeding." Despite it all, she can't help grinning a little. Makara got what was coming to him. "Karkat said that Mr Makara might be pulling him out of school." 

"I'm glad." 

"If he leaves, will you come back?" 

"Yes. And that's a promise." Suddenly, Terezi's eyes seem to light up behind her glasses, "Oh! Latula called me!"

"She did?"

"She said that she's coming back, Nepeta! She heard about Mom and she's coming back, to look after me. I told her everything that had happened and she apologised, crying and everything. I think she really might be a proper sister to me when she comes back!" 

"Terezi, that's great!" She smothered her in a hug, "I'm so glad!" 

"I can't wait for her to meet you! She's going to be so jealous that she doesn't have a great girlfriend like you!" And somehow, it's better than an "I love you".


End file.
